Perspective: Self-Control

Research conducted by psychologists at numerous universities reveals that most personal and social problems derive from the failure of self-control. Examples include: compulsive spending and borrowing, under achievement in school, procrastination, alcohol and drug abuse, unhealthy diet, chronic anxiety and explosive anger. Poor self-control correlates with just about every kind of personal trauma including: losing friends, being fired, getting divorced and winding up in prison. It is interesting to note that in a recent world-wide survey of over one million persons, their lists of personal virtues included: honesty, kindness, humor, creativity and bravery and so forth but not self-control. However, when these same persons were asked to list their failings, self-control was at the top of the list.

In a long-term study of 1000 children in New Zealand from birth to age thirty two, the researchers found that the children who exhibited the most self control in childhood grew up to have better physical health, fewer sexually transmitted diseases, more stable marriages, higher education and better paying jobs. By contrast more than 40 % of the children with the very lowest level of self-control had criminal convictions by age 32 versus 12% of those children showing the highest degree of self-control.

Self-control keeps one from being swayed from the right course by evil forces which can come from either outside or inside the person. We used to believe that a conscience in an individual was a vital component needed to set the right course, and society spent a large amount of time and money developing consciences and self-control in children. This began at virtually the time the child arrived and continued until the child was an adult about eighteen years of age. In the early days when people resided in villages or farms and everyone knew everyone, virtue was enforced by public disgrace. Nathaniel Hawthorn’s book “The Scarlet Letter” regarding adultery comes to mind. The Ten Commandments also helped keep one on the strait and narrow. The ultimate goal was for each person to develop self-control because it was believed that those who learned how to utilize self-control would be more useful, reliable, morally grounded and responsible citizens.

Beginning in the 1960’s, however, the ideas of a moral conscience and self-control were weakened as society began to celebrate self indulgence. “If it feels good, just do it”. Concurrently, social scientists began to seek the causes for lack of consciences and self-control. They concluded that the causes were poverty, depreciation and failures of the economy, the environment or political influences. In short, the idea was that the individual was not responsible. In fact the individual was a victim. Moreover, we started to believe that we must be careful not to harm a child’s self-esteem, so we rewarded them for nearly anything and everything they did regardless of the quality of the child’s performance

Now, shock of shock, we suddenly are learning that major leaders of our society seem to lack moral compasses and self-control. Do the names Enron, Adelphia , Bernie Madoff, unscrupulous Wall Street derivative purveyors, etc. come to mind? This has prompted our major business schools to add ethics courses to those of business management. Hello!!! They have to be kidding!!! Haven’t’ they heard of the adage, “You can’t teach old dog new tricks?”

A new book entitled: “Willpower” sheds a whole new light on the subject of self-control. The book shows that Willpower is the mechanism that individuals employ to keep them on the right course. The existence of willpower, from whence it comes and how to employ it to maximum benefit are the major parts of the research reported in the book. The researchers have found that improving willpower is the best way to a better life. But willpower is used for other purposes like making decisions. So, willpower is under constant stress. Here are a few highlights of the many suggestions the book offers for the times when Willpower is needed.

Set Clear Goals:
The authors state that the first step in self-control is to set clear goals. Self control without goals would be like trying to diet without knowing the caloric content of individual foods. However, one should avoid setting goals that conflict with other goals, and it is important that one not set too many goals.

Willpower is Like a Muscle:
Willpower can become fatigued from overuse. When that happens we lose self-control. The researchers learned that willpower gives the strength to persevere, and we lose self-control as willpower is depleted. They further affirm that, like muscles, mental energy is also fueled by glucose.

Strengthening Will Power:
Although willpower is not actually a muscle, research has shown that willpower can be strengthened. There are several possible ways this can work. One that works and would be easy to do is to use perfect posture, e.g. “sit up straight”. Persons participating in the experiments who consciously overcame their habit of slouching, showed significantly greater self-control.

Decision Fatigue:
It turns out that decision making saps one’s willpower. The trick is to limit the number of major decisions one might attempt to make while attempting to achieve a goal.

Procrastination:
Each of us has a tendency to procrastinate at one time or another. What happens when we are faced with a hard task, including ones with deadlines, is that we don’t want to tackle the hard task. So, suddenly we discover a large pile of stuff that we have been putting off, and we dive into that rather than to face the primary job. As a result that we have no energy left to work on the major job, and consequently the job gets put off again. Or if it must be accomplished in the prescribed timeframe, the quality is poor and in some cases completely unacceptable.

The suggestion from the research is that when confronted with the major task and its timetable, STOP, DO NOTHING! It is better to stop, maybe take a nap and then tackle the major task when refreshed. Everyone will be happier. You because you got it done and on time, and your boss, because you got it done and on time and with high quality to boot!!

Self-Esteem Versus Self-Control:
For a generation psychologists, including those who were involved in the studies reported in the book, operated on the principle that we need to protect the very fragile young human and must be especially careful not to destroy its self esteem. While growing up society rewarded them for everything and anything. Even failure was rewarded on the basis that the child “tried”. The idea was that if self-esteem were developed in a child, performance would follow.

The authors report that when the psychologists received the data from the research, they were shocked to find that their theories were wrong. They and society at large clearly had the idea backward. The research shows that performance creates self-esteem, not the other way around. Moreover, those persons who participated in the research who earned self-esteem had higher levels of self-control.

Supporting the research is anecdotal evidence from real life that finds that mollycoddled children, now in their thirties, are landing in the psychiatrists’ offices. What has happened is that they are now in the real world where one is rewarded only if one actually achieves a realistic goal. Having reached adulthood, the child can’t handle the rejection the real world delivers for failure to achieve real goals. Thus, they visit their psychologists to try to “find themselves”.

The bottom line conclusion is that self-esteem must be earned and not bestowed if a child is to become a strong, reliable and responsible adult with built in self-control What a shock that is!! The book dedicates a whole chapter to this issue; “Raising Strong Children: Self-Esteem versus Self-Control”, and it may be the authors’ greatest contribution.

The book, “Willpower”, is chock-a-block full of research data gathered from controlled experiments conducted over the past two or three decades. It breaks willpower into its physiological and psychological components and how to use it. The book combines clearly described scientific experiments, practical advice and a path forward from the morass we find our selves in. Based on their findings, there is hope for our society. It is a must read for parents who have the job of raising the next generation as well as anyone who would like to have more self-control.